Sometimes I wonder if I live as if I am a prism.

I distort the light within me through my many different facets.  My many different faces.  And it is my roles and my places that determine these faces.

At work, I am confident, focused, and confronting.  I solve problems.  I complete things.  And, I am undistracted in my pursuit of success.  My face is one of determination.

At home, I battle distraction.  The typical things of a home filled with children – and internet connections – vie for my attention.  I am less sure in this space.  The tasks that I manage to complete just start over and over again – laundry, meals, school drop-offs, homework.  At home, I try to make love my ambition, not productivity.  But it is a struggle.  My face is one of striving.

At my writing desk, I am neither here nor there.  I am in Kairos, that other-than state that transports me into an openness that can only be explained by God.  In Kairos, the immensity of Him and the tiny molecule of me intersect in a way that makes sense.   My face is one of receiving.

At church, I am unmasked.  I am at rest in the company of imperfection.  I am enough.  I filter, I question, I doubt.  I accept that I am incomplete.  I pursue connection.  My face is one of seeking. 

And so this is the orbit of life:

Rotating roles,

Rotating places,

Rotating faces.

But is this the revolution that God intended? 

I wonder if the revolution He desired is one that transforms me from a prism into a window.   Because, for His light to shine through me, don’t I need to be transparent and fragile, not rock solid and rotating?  

I think I want to be a window.

But in transparency and fragility, I am vulnerable.  It is easier and more comfortable to play my roles and change my faces.  Rotation is protection.  Vulnerability is risky; it is complicated and messy.  Vulnerability is letting others see all of my faces, even the ones I don’t want to see.

Yet it is in this vulnerability that others see not only me, but themselves.

So I think I want to be a window, still enough to have one face, transparent enough to let His light shine through, fragile enough to let others see through me to themselves.

Determined, striving, receiving, seeking. 

If I am a window, I am all of these faces, and more, at once, in every role and in every place. 

If I am a window, I am one face.  One face that stays rotated to God, letting His undistorted light shine through.

Yes.  I want to be a window.

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“Rotating Places, Rotating Faces” was written by Holly Pennington. Holly has rotated faces through roles such as a physical therapist, health care executive, mother, writer, and entrepreneur.  Her rotating places include Ohio, North Carolina, Florida and Colorado.  She is pursuing a window kind of life in Washington state, despite the rain and fog.  She blogs about faithfully merging “dreadlocks” and “goldilocks” selves at www.dreadlocksandgoldilocks.com.  She can be found on Twitter (@dreadsandgoldi) and Facebook at dreadlocksandgoldilocks.